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Ditch ‘conline’ programs and self-help books for a reputation change and the proper literary connections

Ditch ‘conline’ programs and self-help books for a reputation change and the proper literary connections

Hark, all ye author aspirants. Cease shopping for these ineffective books that declare they’ll flip you right into a bestselling author in a single day. Don’t be a part of these conline programs on provide both (purchase a pair of Bata flip-flops as an alternative). Given under – utterly freed from value – is all that you must develop into a bestselling author with quick impact.

Proper identify

In the beginning, the identify. In case your given identify is Muniyandi, face it, you’re by no means going to be a bestselling author. Ideally, you want a three-name identify. And it must be the proper mixture not like mine … which is Golt (for the unversed, that’s Teluguvaadu). Alas, I discovered too late Golts don’t promote. The foolproof mixture could be a Bong-Mallu combine. It’s unbeatable. As an example, in case your identify is Kanakasabai, change it to Sadviniyog Menon Bandopadhay. 5,000 copies assured. Or higher nonetheless, Ananya Sengupta Chakkaparambil. It doesn’t matter that you’re a bushy man with a stomach like a ghatam, you’ll promote.

Proper connections

There are ten individuals, all of them in Delhi, who could make you. Or ignore you. They embody three editors, two lit fest organisers, one gora, three lit brokers and an All-in-All Alagaraj who has navigated each literary wormhole there may be. I gives you their cellphone numbers and Aadhar Playing cards if you happen to message me. Free. Search them. Lie down in entrance of their doorways and refuse to budge. Bestseller assured.

Proper title

Neglect the content material, what you want for a bestseller is the proper title. Holding immediately’s market sentiment in thoughts, herewith a couple of pattern titles that I urge you to make use of freely: A Concise Dictionary Of Nehru’s Faults; How I Learnt To Love Hindi and Stopped Worrying; My Nation Is The Biggest In The World, Shuttupp! Shuttuppp! Shuttuppp! Or if you wish to take the romantic route, I’ll Meet You On Valentine’s Day … With My Stick. I’ve 100 extra which you could have free of charge.

Proper job

Are you a diplomat? The CEO of a Fortune 500 Firm? An NRI Bharatanatyam dancer who’s keen to purchase again 10k copies of her personal e-book to promote them at a premium to her college students? A Bollywood star? As a result of these are all bestselling writers. No? Fret not. Develop into Taimur Ali Khan’s paediatrician’s neighbour’s watchman. Or Raj Kundra’s lawyer’s assistant’s paper supply boy. And write books about them. Bestseller! Not too long ago, a man I do know put out a e-book on a useless movie character – somebody he’s by no means met – after selecting his identify out of a bottle which had a bunch of movie actor names. Not solely has he not written the e-book, he hasn’t even learn it. Bestseller, LOL!

Proper perspective

While you need to be a bestselling author, it’s a must to be ready. It doesn’t matter the place you’re or what you’re doing, promoting your e-book must be foremost in your thoughts. Not too long ago, a author pal turned a funeral into an impromptu venue and bought 50 copies earlier than the ashes might be collected. That’s the sort of, if you happen to’ll pardon the selection of idiom, never-say-die spirit that you just want. Pure disasters, gory accident websites, upanayanams, riots, airport loos – they’re all potential shops.

Proper look

Had Gurudev or Bernard Shaw been born in immediately’s India, they wouldn’t have been invited even to the Gilakaladindi Literature Pageant. Get the look. Use Botox. Have a gastric bypass. Get Rajamouli to do CGI in your face. Rent a handsome particular person to impersonate you. No look, no e-book, buddy. Sorry.

Krishna Shastri Devulapalli is a satirist. He has written 4 books and edited an anthology.

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